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Dec. 18th, 2012


So I asked - "Show me 2013"...

The King of Swords - Someone who has seen many battles, who looks at the world through the eyes of subjective emotion. A master of intellect, in a position of authority. Moving through a period of transition and fighting for what they believe in.

The Tower - A period of pain, suffering and possibly violence, resulting in liberation. A life changed and transformed by events. The only way forward is to fall.

The Empress Reversed - Emotional distance, detachment, the need to think something through. The reverse of a card that signifies passion, sensuality and desire.

Nine of Cups - Desire, sexual excitement, beauty. Imagining the perfect other, becoming beautiful and desirable to them. The turning of a wheel.

Death - The release from old patterns and the end of something that has become meaningless. Moving on from something that is obviously finished, and done.

And then... A final card free from the deck...

King of Pentacles - A person of importance and substance. Someone successful, who loves life and will protect what they have. Someone calm but with deep understanding.

Nov. 20th, 2012


And the beat rolls on.

Oh LJ, *pets blog*. So much has changed, and it's so fantastic, and hard, and real, and life changing and worth it...

Things that have changed since I last wrote - I have moved (at least, when I order the moving truck in a minute I will be moving on Sunday), back in with the folks for a while, to save up and work out where I want to go from here. I will be getting a place that is MINE - prob a two bedroom, that I can then have someone move in with me, but it will be my place first and foremost. This is exciting and scary! So yay!

I have also decided that as I am getting no enjoyment out of my current 'writing' degree, I am going to switch to Psychology. This makes me VERY scared, cause, statistics... *flails*, but I am really excited about it, and am already working through first year textbooks, and have a best friend who has promised to tutour me in stats... I'm actually thinking about a big girl career! GAH! *more flailing*

It will be manymanymanymanymanymanymany years before I finish, and will be taking it slow and steady at first. IF I pass stats, THEN pass psych 101 & 102, THEN I can put an application in for the degree, which is 5 years full time! I will NOT be full time... so I MIGHT be a psych in.... lets say 2030, to be safe. *headdesk*

Also dealing with lots of my own head stuff, and feeling very positive and confident, more so than I think I ever have. So this is great. Off to order trucks and eat chocolate now. Woohoo!

Oct. 19th, 2012


(no subject)

I'm in Sydney, waiting for a cappuccino at the MCA, having just seen a plane that was airmailed in pieces and a flat-packed TARDIS. the sun is shining, the world is beautiful. I'm completely broke (always a good thing), my phone has a predictive text for TGIF, and it's so true.

Life does not suck. Even when I think it does, I just get a bit of perspective. I am a very lucky person, and life most definitely does not suck. Not even a little bit.

Napkins are dancing at my eye level in the sky, which is nice since I'm on the roof of a very tall building.

Sep. 9th, 2012


(no subject)

Today was perfect.

Tomorrow will be even better.

I can't wait to wake up!

(no subject)

So much has been changing, and it's all good. I've made more new friends in two months than I had in 3 years. I've gone places and done things that I would normally never do. I feel important, and integral, and often I look in the mirror and feel like a boss, which is also very very nice. And most importantly, I am happy.

Very happy.

Proper happy, not deluded happy.

Life is good, and I want to experience all of it. Today. And what better day to start?

Aug. 6th, 2012


(no subject)

A re-post, from September 25th, 2005

Journals for me were always a way to relax. To get things off my chest. To calm myself, get negative thoughts out of my head and into the world, a rant that no-one but me would read, when years later I went over them and realised it was all futile, trivial crap. Reading back over my journals makes me feel better, like my life is really not all that bad, and that when it seemed to be, it never was.

When I found the world of blogging, it was supposed to be just that, but instead of hiding it away, let it loose unto others, seeing if that in some way made it different, perhaps more therapeutic, perhaps making me feel more real and important, like so many others who went before, leaving engravings and painting on cave walls, books and scrolls buried for future generations to find and admire. A way to become immortal perhaps.

Instead, my blogs always became digital wanking. Me listing things that I had done, rambling about my surroundings, struggling to be witty. I’ve pondered over journals. Is it possible to make them interesting if you lead the same life week in and week out? Can journals only be appealing if you have a non-stop flow of visual and physical stimulation? Or is it simply a reflection of ourselves. Do we come across as wankers only when we are just that? Wankers?

Constantly struggling to make my journals more interesting has made me aware of something about myself. I’m not really trying to make my journals more interesting, I’m trying to make myself more interesting. Make mine a life that others can look at, relate to, learn from. I’ve thought my life was boring, felt a need to amplify things that happened to me so it seemed my life was filled with extraordinary events and people.

But what if it is? What if my life really is interesting? What if I don’t know it because I’m living it? I have nothing really to compare it to. I get bored with myself, think my life is growing stale, but I suspect even people such as Alexander the Great thought the same thing. Yet others look at his life and stare in awe. Perhaps a part of the human condition is not only to better ourselves, but to prove to others that we have done so.

My god. Getting so deep and meaningful with only one glass of wine. See what happens when you leave me alone on a Sunday night with nothing but a bottle of white and an ‘Absolutely Fabulous’ dvd?

Digital wanking at its finest.
Downey Is Awesome

(no subject)

My entire life is changing. Picked up, flipped over and shaken by it's heels until everythig falls out of it's bulging pockets. Re-pack a tarot deck, a cranky old cat and a bucket list, shove it back through the revolving door and out into the world.

There's a cigarette jutting from my lip. Leather jacket holds back the winter chill. I don't know where I'm going and I can't wait to get there.

Jul. 22nd, 2012


(no subject)

Last night I rode in a rickshaw.

There is a cat on Darby street, the busiest restaurant district in Newcastle, that sits outside the pizza shop. He wears a tag that says "I live on railway street." on the other side it says "but I'm happy on Darby street."

I just had a Phoenix rising bath bomb. I smell like juniper and cinnamon.

That is all.

Jul. 11th, 2012

Devil Girl

Four of Swords

This morning I drew a virtual four of swords. A time of rest and recuperation, with change coming. It's a very appropriate card. Simon and I have called it a day and are working well as flatmates, while I look for my own place. An ex has made a re-appearance in my life, but his persistence and idiosyncrasies are telling me that a friendship will not work, so I am walking away. And I can.

This is a time for change, but not of action, more of opinion and view. I can look at the world from a different viewpoint, content in the knowledge that my actiOns and choices are entirely my own.

I'll let the world show me what it has to offer, and walk forward on this new path with my eyes clear and my head high.

Jun. 27th, 2012


(no subject)

Due to my anxiety, there are things that I become incredibly adamant about. Like: I will never get my ears pierced. I will never go back to university. I will never drive a car.

I got my ears pierced last month.

I am currently enrolled in university.

I am getting my learners permit in 2 hours.

2012 rocks, and I will be very upset if the world ends in 6 months.

That is all.

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