Please Wake The Writer

Lots of lurking, little posting...

Been writing a lot lately. Writing courses at uni have inspired me to dust off cobwebs and work on ideas, that hopefully will continue to snowball and turn in to something bigger than me. It occurred to me the other day that I could potentially make money out of writing, what with doing a degree in professional writing and all. A little slow on the uptake perhaps.

Working on time travel concepts, which hurts my brain, and epic stories of gods and revolution. Still scared to put pen to paper, but I'm getting ready to take the plunge. Any day now.

Also lots of ideas for plays. How do you get a play published? Or performed? What happens to it once it's been written?

Motivation is trickling through. Just need to work in a little healthy competitive drive, and I may just have a shot.

The biggest problem with distance education, is the lack of holidays. Not that it matters that I don't get a break, that's not a problem. The problem lies in that all the physical students do have a break, and so they all have assignments due at the same time, so logging on to the portal becomes impossible. *headdesk* How am I supposed to get my readings for this week when I can't log on? Pain in the arse...

Meanwhile, making small but plot altering changes to my novel. Giving one character a medical degree. Giving another one a complex or two. And at the moment, I'm developing a pantheon. This is much more fun than it sounds. I get to create my own gods, bitches! Whoo!

I may have a lot of hayfever at the moment, which means that my brain is NOT working properly. It's probably a good thing that I can't actually get on to my philosophy readings, since I wouldn't understand them at the moment anyway. Blah.

*blows dust of LJ*

Sooooooo.... long time no see?

Uni is keeping me busy. Mainly in the 'FLAILING ARMS AROUND CAUSE I AM SO NOT IN THE RIGHT MINDSET FOR ACADEMIC WORK YET' faculties, but also in the 'Ooh! That's interesting and also I'm able to understand it so double yay!' department. Si has broken his shoulder, so I'm in charge around the house, and fight the urge to stand in the middle of the kitchen wearing a towel as a cape and declaring that I have 'CLEANED ALL THE THINGS', and then demand cookies of some kind.

Work is work, and while I'm enjoying it, it's once again become that thing that I have to do when I'm not doing more fun and important things. Planning storytime is fun, but apart from that I'm pretty complacent at the moment, and am thinking of uni as my main vocation, and work as just a part time job.

But then there is my writing...

*cricket chirp*

I am doing creative writing this semester, and I have a 1000 word short story/dialogue due next month, but I am soooo out of practice that it's not even funny! Ideas are just not flowing at the moment, so I'm planning on locking myself up this afternoon, chaining myself to my desk and clamping a neverending recording of inspirational music over my ears and seeing what comes out. Of my writing, not my ears. Cause - ew.

I have learned it is a VERY DIFFICULT THING to tell a short story in 1000 words. That is about two pages. TWO PAGES! The dialogue is slightly easier, but it is very short. I know, a skilled writer can use those 1000 words to their advantage, but in the meantime, urgh. Basically all my creative writing subject consists of is 'here's a whole bunch of stuff about writing that you can read, and here's a forum filled with people going LOOK AT MEEEEEE, oh, and send us some of your stuff, will ya?', so as usual there is no magic formula for writing. I just need to get back in the habit. Spend all waking hours writing. Like I used to. Back before life got in the way. In the womb.

It's a gorgeous day today, beyond gorgeous, and I'm tossing up between spending it lolling around in the sunshine and actually getting stuff done, of course it will have to be the latter, since there is so much to do and so little time *brain sizzle*.

So, bye again LJ, back into the cacophany that is my life, and I'll see you all soon(er)!

Many many things have happened since I last wrote.

Things came to a head with my boyfriend, we just weren't capable of fixing all the damage alone, and while there was a period of about 2 days where I was single, we have started seeing a couples psychologist so that he can learn to cope with my anxiety and we can start communicating again. I've been living in my parents new house with them since the 5th, but will be moving back home this weekend, and already things are starting to change, which is good but naturally will be a challenge for me over the coming months.

I'm also seeing a new psych who has already identified so many things that were going unnoticed, so hopefully he can help me get my anxiety under control again. So that is a plus.

Lots of things are going to change around the house too. With all this spare time we will have now that we aren't being so hostile, we are going to move things around, have a massive spring clean, even ask if we can paint the place. Much cleansing of the space, which will be important.

On another note, while my writing has stalled, I have enrolled in a creative writing major with university, that hopefully will start this week. I'm only doing two courses a semester, since I only have two days off a week, and will be starting with creative writing and philosophy. I'm excited and nervous, but feel good that I am doing something.

All in all, there will be a lot of changes coming. Very exciting.

F-list, I need advice.

As you probably all know, I have been through a roggh patch. I have recently overcome a bad time of low self esteem, passive aggressive behavior and anxiety. I can now hold my bead high, I can stand up for myself and I know clearly what my needs and dreams are. I am even looking at myself and seeing a confident, sexy woman, and I am smiling.

My friends have all noticed and commented on the change. My parents have said they are incredibly happy to see me in control, my family say they are glad the old me is back. Even my co-workers have noticed the difference. The only person in my life who has not noticed is my boyfriend, and it is really starting to piss me off.

Now I know that when I was bad, he bore the brunt of it. I know he was never very good at communicating with me to begin with, and a part of me wonders if that was what started my self doubt in the first place. But he is a good man, who does nice things, and who stuck by me. But now I feel constantly that he is not showing me proper respect, I am having to ask him for compliments, and when I tell him that I feel he is disrespecting me he refuses to look at me or talk to me.

A large part of me knows you can't change someone else, only yourself. But we have not had sex in over a year, and I have asked him so many times to work through it with me and yet he has not. He still says I am selfish for not letting him watch what he wants, or play video games, but I say it is not selfish to want to spend time with my boyfriend and to want to rekindle our romance and our communication.

So I ask for advice. Should I back off, give us space to grow, let him sort things out and hope for the best, or do you think I am fighting a loosing battle and should cut my losses? Any comments appreciated.

Because the most amazing 'year long' challenge conqueror unboxed_project blew me away with her commitment this year, I have taken the plunge and have challenged her to a year long writing fiesta! So here are my proposed projects for the first 6 months. I'll be adding the next six months at a later stage, when I see where my writing is going. Perhaps a bigger new project will appear, who knows?

( List of challenges under the cut )

So in other words: by July 1, I am hoping to have 6 short stories, 2 plays, a final first draft of A Tale Of Absolutes with a working outline of changes, even more work on last years NANO Dear Prudence, and a more organised working method. Yeah, just a little challenge then.

I adored what textlife passed on abotu Amanda Palmer saying she will not be making resolutions this year, so instead of resolutions I am going to set challenges. As well as the above writing challenge, I will be working on exercising more, learning to ride my bike, gardening more and saving money. After conquering last years challenge (getting my anxiety and depression under control), I am staring down the barrel of 2012 and saying BRING IT ON! I can't wait to live every day, including today. The future is here, I can't wait to get my toes wet, yadda yadda yadda.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! This one is totally going to ROCK, I can assure you!

MERRY CHRISTMAS F-LIST!!!!

I got my present early, I have a wonderful man in my life, I am healthy and strong and things will only get better. Love you all!

xxxxoooo

This year I watched something incredible take place right here on LJ. unboxed_project went an entire year without watching a single tv show, you tube video or movie. That, in my opinion, was epic, not to mention incredibly inspiring. So this year, I will be making 3 new years resolutions. One financial, one to do with my health, and one for my writing. The lead up to Christmas/new year will be spent relaxing, planning and last chance indulging, before I take on the plunge. Since life took a change for the better, I owe it to myself to start doing all the things I want to do with my life, and what better time to start than New Years? So here's to a year that changed my life, that reminded me what life was all about, and where I felt better than I had in years. Merry Chrostmas and Happy Holidays f-list! Hope this season brings peace, love and joy.

I am sick today, stupid flu. So this is a quick post. I am now in love with Retronaut, for things like this: http://www.retronaut.co/2010/12/apocalypse-in-miniature/

That is all.

We've listened to music and drunk beer, songs from our youth collected for a friends Christmas party. We celebrated his birthday with pizza, with hugs on the couch as the rain fell, and when the sun appeared we went out, drinking to Christmas and to birthdays and to new babies. The moon was eclipsed and shone red, and we watched through binoculars past midnight, our cat lounging at our feet.

Today we woke, breakfast and Sunday papers, relaxing around before lunch in Circular Quay, now we wait for dinner with lions, tapirs, elephants and tigers. Christmas waits around the corner and the sun sets over the harbour, the world wet and warm and the moon still full.

Life is bliss.